Food. We all eat it. In fact – we all need it …. but strangely enough, the chaps haven’t wandered this way in their deliberations.

‘appen. Does drink count?

… only if educated in basic arithmetic.

The Onions …. apparently not named for the satirical web site – but for the content of the dish …

This Chap Is Changing That …

… with this bit of a zinger delivered via the Guardian, courtesy of Jay Rayner who reviews a meal for two at the cost of 300 Euros per person – which includes ‘modest wine’.

Have to say that this chap is not a ‘foody’, but definitely understands zingers …. and zing is definitely what Jay did … I will let a few select quotes speak the volumes. This chap assumes that Jay and the Chef (Christian Le Squer) of ‘Le Cinq, Four Seasons Hôtel’ must have recently had some kind of spat – it being the only explanation that this chap could come up with to explain the searing review given.

The dining room, deep in the hotel, is a broad space of high ceilings and coving, with thick carpets to muffle the screams.

though – for me this one begs a question …

My companion winces. “It’s like eating a condom that’s been left lying about in a dusty greengrocer’s,” she says.

… how does she know?

The cheapest of the starters is gratinated onions “in the Parisian style”. We’re told it has the flavour of French onion soup. It makes us yearn for a bowl of French onion soup. It is mostly black, like nightmares, and sticky, like the floor at a teenager’s party.

… earlier on Jay had pointed out that

Starters and mains are roughly the same price, running from €70 to €140. Currently the exchange rate is 0.86 to 1. So that’s £121 for a single plate of food.

… but this chap cannot help but note a couple of other zingers – click through for the full context.

A main of pigeon is requested medium, but served so pink it just might fly again given a few volts.

Graham …
… nicely echoing Jimmy Nail in Auf Wiedersehen, Pet — cue indignant Geordie over a lamb chop —
“Aye, rare’s one thing, but a good vet’d ‘ave this one back on its feet!”

A dessert of frozen chocolate mousse cigars wrapped in tuile is fine, if you overlook the elastic flap of milk skin draped over it, like something that’s fallen off a burns victim.


Graham notes …

… that he did actually did do

John reminds …
… that despite using language such as ‘did actually did do’ … the other chap does ‘actually’ ‘parles the anglais’.

a real high-class meal some time ago — think Michelin 3 — and done well, it is superb. He feels the same way about a good, informed, literate shellacking of a third party one will never meet — a delight to savor and treasure.

John says …
now – if that is not a cue for another post – well this chap is stumped as to what is.

  • TomE

    If you’re a food critic, or any kind of professional critic, you must yearn to be able to write a review like that.

    BTW, my wife and I have eaten at two Michelin 1 star restaurants over the past few year. Food as high art; worth every franc (about $150 per person, with wine).

    Not sure what was presented should even be consider food, or a meal. Each was something closer to a performance.

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